Sweet Lament in Lauren O'Connell

Do you ever shake
Noticing that you are still awake
That everything around you is real
I'm really this old, this is how I look and feel
Where'd time go and who am I?

But even so
I've tendencies I can't seem to outgrow
Like this overwhelming fear I have of the dark
Planning conversations I won't start
I'm terrified of what might be

And with one lamenting yell
We all retreat within ourselves
And then we say "oh well, we tried'
Should have tried a little harder
Should have been a little smarter
But if God don't have a plan, neither do I

We try so hard
To make up for all the things we aren't
Like the way I yell at the TV
Every night while watching Jeopardy
Though I won't make a single dime

And I don't mean
To be a pessimist but it's obscene
The way that things can all go down in flames
Fast or slow don't matter, it's the same
Just down, down, down in a great landslide

And with one lamenting yell
We all retreat within ourselves
And then we say "my God, how we tried"
But God is but a man
With a martini in his hand
These stars don't hold my fate and neither do I

Hearts afire aren't happier
No, hearts afire aren't happier
They all fizzle out fast in the end
Racing minds aren't happier
No, racing minds aren't happier
They are all just dead last in the end

And with one lamenting yell
We all retreat within ourselves
And then we say "my God, how we tried"
But God is but a man
With a martini in his hand
If love gets to be blind, then so do I